Wow, ok, so I'm a little behind on this blog.  Just two years or so...

But I do have two very good excuses that keep me busy, but since they are sleeping now, I can write what's on my heart. 

My sweet girls are 2 years and 9 months old now.  They are active and things can get crazy around here.  We've been stuck inside the house for the past few months of winter like most other stay at home moms I know, and it can make one go a little looney, especially when two two year olds are trapped indoors with you.  I've been feeling especially overwhelmed because Kayla screams whenever I drop her off at their mothers day out program or even sunday school, so I've taken her out of MDO and now we can't go to Mops either.  It's just been too hard on me seeing her so sad when I dropped her off, so now the only place I take her and leave her is Sunday school.  Today I took a much needed "break" from my mommy duties and went to my moms for a few hours for some peace.  But tonight, I am reminded that even on the long dark days of winter, I am so grateful to be with my two baby girls.

I read a blog of a mommy friend of mine who went through such an awful tragedy.  She lost her little boy when he was only 6 years old.  Losing a child is my single most greatest fear in this world, especially from knowing two women that experienced this.  It can consume my thoughts, cripple me and even take my breath from me.   After reading her blog tonight as I often do, I had to go in and be with my girls.  I lost it and just cried and cried.  It's just not fair.  Mommies should never feel the pain of losing a child.  I can't even function when I let my mind imagine losing one of my girls, let alone someone who actually goes through that.  I don't know that I could have the strength to go on, or the faith.  But this woman does, and her faith in God is so inspiring to me.  After reading her blog, it makes me want to be a better mommy, more present in the everyday moments, less distracted by unimportant things that take my attention away from them. 

I wanted to have a child more than anything in the world.  I prayed for years for them with all my heart.  The Lord blessed me with two at the same time.  And yet some days, I find myself trying to escape them for "breaks" when things get crazy.  Now every mommy does need time away to recharge the mommy battery, don't get me wrong.  But I need to really be there when I'm there.  No more Ipad while they're playing, I need to get down and watch them have their tea party together, or push their dollies in their stroller.  Or better yet, I need to put on a big floppy hat and tutu and join them for their tea party.  I need to hold onto these moments, because like Kayla keeps reminding me, "I growing up mommy." 

My new years resolution is to learn to let go of the fear of losing them, and just be with them, enjoy them where they are right now.  To never miss a dance with my little cinderellas.  Because all too soon, the clock will strike midnight, and they'll be grown.

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Sleepy little angels

To me there is nothing more peaceful than a baby sleeping.....

except, of course, two babies sleeping!

My survival

There are two people that I've come to depend on week to week. They are always there for me and the girls. I haven't blogged for ages, because as you all warned me, I have no time. My only free time most days is the 10 minutes it takes to pump milk for the girls. But I had to write about these two people that devote two days of the week to helping me and the twins survive. With two babies and one of me, one is always angry at me. If they are both crying, the only options I have is to a)put them both in the stroller and go for a walk, or b) choose the loudest crier and pick them up. If I chose b option, the other one continues crying until I switch and give her some pick up time. But then, as soon as I do so, the first one that I held gets upset that Mommy put her down of course. Believe me, this method is better than them both crying in stereo. So one is always angry with me and that breaks my heart.

Luckily, two days of the week, my heroes Nana Linda and Uncle Dan come to the rescue. The three of us juggle the two of them all day. We take them on walks, go to various parks, sometimes even out to eat lunch, and the best part is, they are outnumbered instead of outnumbering me. When they are both crying, there are six loving arms to hold them and shhh them back to peace. I find myself able to relax on Nana and Uncle Dan days. It isn't all on me to do it all. We are a team. They say it takes a village to raise a child, well I don't know about a village, but it does take a family. And I couldn't ask for a more loving Nana and Uncle Dan. When these girls see them, their eyes light up. They know you love them!



Nana Linda (Mom)
Thank you for all you've done and all you continue to do. You were there for me in the hospital when I was afraid to be alone, you stayed on that awful recliner in the ICU. You moved in with us for weeks to help me while I helplessly recovered on the couch at home. When the girls came home, you were there and took over for Jason at night so he could sleep uninterrupted. You've done our laundry since I was very pregnant and couldn't hobble up and down the stairs. That alone was more than enough. You change your days at work to be here and help with the girls. You put up with the hours of colicy screaming (thank God that's over.) You've been spit up on a million times if not the receiving end of a blowout, sorry! You and Papa are always willing to babysit so we can get a break or go grocery shopping. And you can tell you love these girls more than anything and it is going to be such a special relationship between you. If it weren't for you, the girls wouldn't be here in the first place. You took me to all of my infertility appointments, you were there when we found out that they were twins, you took me to my ob appointments and saw the girls grow by ultrasound each visit. You hoped for them just as much as we did and you love them just as much. They know their Nana and are so excited everytime they see you. Thank you for helping me with them each week, we couldn't make it without you.

Uncle Dan
You are the best Uncle a child could hope to have. You have formed such an amazing bond with these girls, that all you have to do is look at them and they break into a smile. You can make them laugh better than anyone. They know and love you so much already. You have been there each week holding them, feeding them, playing with them, singing them to sleep, taking them on walks.... you have also been spit up on and they've screamed in your ears. And you continue to come and help me care for them. You are going to be a major role model in their life, I can see that. You will teach them the Word of God and they will see Christ in you. They are already learning the love of Jesus through you. The way you devote your time and energy into caring for them means so much to me and to Jason and we are so excited to see your relationship with them develop over the years. You are their Uncle Dan, and they love you to pieces. Thank you for being you and for loving the girls with all of your heart. You are irreplacable.

Thank you guys for all that you do. I am able to be a better mom because of the time you spend helping me. I can peacefully enjoy my babies and not feel so stressed and frazzled. The girls know you both so well and love you already! I wish I knew how I could even begin to repay you for the countless hours and energy you put into our lives. I know it's not always easy and fun, no matter how cute they are, it gets crazy here sometimes. What an amazing adventure we are on raising these girls! Thank you for being a part of it and making our lives easier.

I love you both!!!
Rebecca

Organization= My new best friend

I was never the most organized person and still I'm not in general. But when it comes to caring for these twincesses, organization is vital to our survival. Jason thought I was nuts when I wanted to have a changing station on the main floor. We put it in our dining room (that we never use) and I stocked it with baby blankets, spit up cloths, extra clothes, sponge bath necessities, and of course an endless amount of diapers and wipes. That is our lifeline folks. Everything we need for the babies is right where we spend the most time during the day. None of this running up and down the stairs madness. We have two bassinets downstairs, a bouncer, a swing, a boppy....it has become Babies R Us in our living room. It's all about the twincesses.

We have yet to use the girls nursery as they are living in our room with us for at least until Mom feels comfortable having them in another room, which I don't see anytime soon. With them being premies and having Kayla on her monitor, I need to be close to them all night. And day. So we have one of the cribs set up in our room. They sleep side by side, wrapped up in their sleep sacs, and in between their positioners, they are not going anywhere folks. We have another great help which is a fridge in our room to store the bottles for overnight, and a bottle warmer, so no running downstairs in the middle of the night to get bottles. It's become a great system and the girls are doing so well on it. Jason and I each take a baby and change diapers and feed them during the night. Sometimes they even go 4 hours between feedings. Others they go only 2 and a half. Love those times. It takes about an hour to heat the bottles and feed and diaper and then because Kayla has reflux, we have to hold her upright for about 15 minutes. I think I've learned to do all this in my sleep!

I think I'm doing pretty well here on my own with them during the day. The first day on my own was chaos at times, because, although having them on the same schedule at night is great, it's not so great when there is one of me, and both are hungry at the exact same time. The screaming ensues! So then I say to myself, "Which one is the loudest?" Just kidding. So now I've learned to wake one while the other sleeps and hopefully feed them before baby 2 wakes up and realizes they are hungry too. It's working well so thank God for that. I don't need to invest in Bose noise canceling headphones for feeding times.

So right now, Jason and the girls are taking a nap and all is peaceful in our house. Until just now a telemarketer decides to try and ruin our peaceful evening and wake them all. Luckily, we're all so tired, a ringing phone can't even wake us. The twincesses and his Royal Dadness are still asleep and Mom can play on the computer a little longer. Life is good!

Happy Due Date Babies!

Yesterday was our official due date so the girls are now full term! And next week they will be 2 months old. Although it would've been better of course to go longer in the pregnancy with the girls, I think of these last two months with them as our bonus time we've gotten to get to know them. They've grown and changed so much in the time when most people don't get to meet their baby until their due date. Most people, when they hear the girls were in the NICU, say they are sorry we had to endure that, and at first, it was very difficult to see them in the incubators, so small and helpless. But we witnessed two little fighters work so hard to learn to eat, to grow, and get strong enough to come home. We had so many precious moments in that NICU that I will never forget. In it's own way, thier time in the NICU was very special to all of us. I will never forget how I felt riding up the elevator the first time I "met" my babies. I had waited so long for that moment and it was overwhelming. I cried like a baby....and then reached in to touch little Alaina's hand and she squeezed my finger. My little girls.

It was a bit strange to "visit" my babies in the NICU, but we didn't know any different, so, to us, it was normal. It was a joy and I loved our visits with them each night. We were able to hold them and feed them, sing to them, kiss them, everything a normal parent would do. We just had to leave them there and tell them we'd see them tomorrow. It was a second home to us. And then, they were ready to come to their real home and we became a family.

A new day has come

Wow, I am wiped out. I never knew one could be so tired. These tiny girls are working us round the clock. I will write about a typical day in the life of us..

We are awaken by what we affectionately call the "grunting goats" letting us know it's time for round 111 of feedings. Jason has the amazing ability to get up and start warming their bottles while it takes me a little effort and finally I'm up and holding one of my little angels. Feedings are never simply feedings with our little ones. Since they are early, they still are working on the whole suck, swallow, breathe technique. Sometimes they forget the breathing part of the whole thing. So we take our time and take lots of breaks to allow them to catch up on breathing. We coach them the whole time, "Breathe." Kayla is on a monitor that beeps louder than a fire alarm if she stops breathing. Luckily it's only gone off a couple times since she's been home. Our poor little Kayla has acid reflux so she has to be held upright for 15 minutes after a feeding or she will be in pain. We are starting her on meds for that.

After feedings we head downstairs and they go to sleep in their bassinets for a couple of hours until the next feedings. That's when mommy and daddy go to work, cleaning all the bottles, nipples, pump parts, etc from the night before and trying to get laundry, housework, our favorite show...Lost, in before they are ready for the next feeding. This is our day, over and over, and at night, we pack up several bottles of breastmilk, head upstairs to our room where their crib is and continue the process all night long. We've discovered the beauty of white noise. I had downloaded womb sounds and sounds of the air conditioner to use as white noise which is soothing to babies, and come to find out, it's also soothing to us. It drowns out the little "grunting goat noises" that would otherwise keep us awake all night long. And they love it too and it puts them right asleep.

They are so precious and we could not be happier or more complete as a family. Such little personalities already. They seem happy here, and they say babies don't smile, but these little girls smile all the time at us. They know they are home.

Kayla weighs 5 pounds 13 ounces and Alaina weighs 5 pounds 10 onces.